I only have two photos in my hands. . .

. . . and one of these photos represents the girl who will go on in the competition to become. America's. Next. Top. Model. *blink blink blink*

I think I have begun to figure Juan Carlos out a bit more today. Clearly, after many cycles of whipping ladies and psychos alike into model shape, Tyra has listened to my pleas for a men's round of America's Next Top Model. And Juan Carlos intends to try out.

"Stephanie," you say. "Be reasonable. He is, after all, well under the 5' 7" height requirement for the show." (Though it will be featuring shorties this fall because Tyra wants America to understand the stigma of, you know, not being her. But I digress.)

I have, of course, arrived armed with physical evidence. No scientist/fishy mama should have any less. May I present Juan Carlos, practicing his fierceness in the mirror:

Clearly, in his last critique, Juan Carlos was told to relax his mouth. The beauty of this advice is that it means precious little, so Tyra can share it with any contestant annoying her in a given week.

"You tried, but you lost your neck. You need to be pretty-ugly, not ugly-ugly." Tyra can be so, so cruel.

Ah, but then things start looking up.

Juan Carlos has the chance to do a very high-fashion shoot designed by Mr. Jay and some famous photographer who has even shot photos of Tyra. (Cue angelic harp music.) They are going to be portraying lapse-motion photography of cars on the interstate.

But alas, he is shooting with another model - Howard. Damn him and his inherent fierceness. He almost overwhelms Juan Carlos in this photo.

But then, Juan Carlos hit his stride, and got a good shot.

That is what we call giving some serious face. You'll notice that Juan Carlos has intensity in his pose, and is smiling with his eyes, looking through the camera. Into your soul.

Fierceness -- accomplished.