Clementine vs. Clementine

The showdown! I figured that Clem needed to exercise a little bit since she never gets to play with the other fishies. My father suggested I put her up next to a mirror so she would think another fighting fish was nearby. So I plucked my little pocket mirror out of my bag and . . . VOILA!

No response. None. Nada. Zip. Snoozerino.

So then I went into the bedroom and unhooked my full-length mirror from the door. Maybe Clem just needed a bigger inspiration. Something that would help her DELVE into the world of her birth -- the world. Of the fighting fish. *dramatic music *

So I put the big mirror next to her bowl, and she started to swim back and forth, like she was pacing:

*cue dramatic music again * And then, all of a sudden,

KAPOW!

Instant badass fighting fishy! Look at how big her gills are! And her eyes are BUGGIN'!

All of a sudden she's all Uma Thurman in Kill Bill Vol. 1, strutting her stuff, zipping up the jacket on her canary yellow jumpsuit, wielding the sword that she got from the guy on the mountain who said he would neeeeever give her a sword and then he was like, "okay!" and gave it to her anyway, and generally being badass hunting down David Carradine and his homies:

Oh?! You doubt?! May I present the WORLD PREMIERE of Clementine, and no, I did not just spend half an hour putting this together on my computer:

That's right. Clem is a STAR. She's going to make MILLIONS. And now we must meet with some big Hollywood muckety-mucks who want her to be on Maxim's list of women we objectify in 2011. *Throws feather boa over shoulder, saunters off *

I'll have my people contact you for an interview.

Stephanie